


Emotional Whiplash.

by Kylux_TRASH



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: ... well sort of.., Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, First Kiss, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Spoilers, Steven Universe - Freeform, amedot - Freeform, crack the whip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-03
Updated: 2016-08-03
Packaged: 2018-07-29 01:42:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7665433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kylux_TRASH/pseuds/Kylux_TRASH
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Amethyst had to blink back tears for the rest of the night.<br/>When Connie left she told herself <i>don’t cry</i>.<br/>When Steven wanted to eat with her she told herself <i>don’t cry</i>.<br/>When she tucked Steven into bed, and lazily watched as he fell asleep she had to will herself not to <i>cry</i>."<br/>---<br/>Crack the whip was so fucking sad, poor Amethyst! I wrote this little Amedot fic to cheer myself up! Hope you like it!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Emotional Whiplash.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is triggering, and it deals with hard to read issues such as;  
> -depression  
> -dissociation  
> -lonliness  
> -childhood trauma  
> -self-deprecating thoughts  
> -self-esteem issues. 
> 
> (If there's anything else I missed please lemme know!

Amethyst had to blink back tears for the rest of the night. 

When Connie left she told herself _don’t cry._

When Steven wanted to eat with her she told herself _don’t cry_

When she tucked Steven into bed, and lazily watched as he fell asleep she had to will herself not to cry.

She watched Steven, for how long she didn't know. Didn't think, didn't move, just stared. Her mind blank and busy at the same time. She rarely got like this. She never told anyone why she sleeps even though she doesn't need to. The answer is because when things, her emotions and feelings, got this muddled yet clearly depressing and sad at the same time, she didn't want to feel. So she slept. Allowed herself to not necessarily fill the void, but ignore it, for three, four hours of nothing but blackness. 

But she didn't have to do this anymore. She had the gems, she had Steven and she had... well she didn't want to admit to that. 

She stretched before leaving the side of Steven's bed. A walk of fresh air would do her good she decides. 

She didn't realize where she was going until she was halfway there. 

She just wanted to _see_ Peridot, maybe talk to her. But the more she walked, the more she realized that she didn't really know why she was going.

"I mean, it wasn't like Lapis or Peridot were sleeping, but still. Maybe I should go back," she thought to herself. She stopped walking and sighed before sitting down in the tall grass.

Peridot was the one gem who made her happy. The one gem who celebrated her, "who gives a fuck" attitude instead of reprimanding it. When she was with Periodt, she forgot everything that made her feel like shit about herself. 

She was going to do this- she  _had_ to do this. She stood up and started walking. About ten seconds later she felt something-or someone- push her down to the ground. The person flipped her over and Amethyst reached up to her gem to wield her weapon. The person who straddled her shrieked when they realized what Amethyst was doing. _"Wait- I know that shriek.."_  

"P-dot?" She asked the shadow-y figure. Sure enough, the all too familiar, triangular shape of Peridot's head approached her in the darkness. Peridot tried not to focus on, how cute Amethyst looked in her new form as she offered her hand to Amethyst. Amethyst took it gladly, and Peridot watched her get up.

"Why are you out here?" Amethyst asked. She lightly squeezed Peridot's hand. Peridot blushed, and Amethyst lowered her hand.

"Uhh, Lapis kicked me out of the barn after I talked about Camp Pining Hearts for too long," the green gem grumbled.

Amethyst brook out in a full on grin. It felt like ages since she smiled. The grin turned into a chuckle, which turned into a full blown laugh. She was snorting and doubled over. Peridot watched her with concerned eyes. She lightly rubbed her back.

"Amethyst are you all right?"

Amethyst sighed and looked Peridot in her giant eyes. She bit her lip before shaking her head.

"No." She squeaked. Peridot immediately moved closer to Amethyst, and wrapped her arms around her body.

"Steven said that humans show their support through these " _snugs"_   

Amethyst sniffled out, "They're called hugs dude."

"Oh." Peridot pulled back and placed her hand on Amethyst's shoulder. 

"What's wrong?" Peridot asked. Amethyst opened her mouth to say something, anything, but she couldn't. So she sat down. Peridot sat down next to her, and didn't speak. She allowed Amethyst to find the words to describe this all to familiar sense of self hatred. 

"I'm defective." She realized she said the words out loud when Peridot immediately sat up straighter and cleared her throat. 

"I'm  _worthless._ I'm supposed to be big, and strong, but instead I'm small and weak. And  _stupid._ How could I be so stupid?!" Peridot watched Amethyst with sad eyes. She still regretted everything she told Amethyst that day they went to the Kindergarden, she didn't realize how deeply her words would hurt her. 

"I mean," Amethyst started as she got up, Peridot watched her from the ground, "Steven and Connie didn't even need me! They didn't! A human, a human is stronger than me! If I can't even protect Steven and his friend, then I definitely don't deserve to be a gem!" She turned to face Peridot. Her face was leaking and Peridot didn't know what to do. 

"SOMETIMES I JUST WANNA CRACK MY GEM!!! I'm not needed! I'm not, I'm-" Amethyst took off running. Her eyes filling up with even more tears. She hadn't meant to share all of that information with Peridot, it definitely was not a great flirting tip. All of those feelings just, spilled out. She dimly heard Peridot calling after her, but she didn't care. She kept running and running til she felt like her chest would burst. She fell to her knees and clutched her face. She let the tears fall down. 

Peridot finally caught up to Amethyst. She hesitated but put her hand on Amethyst's shoulder, to help steady her as she bent down. 

"Amethyst, I need you." Amethyst stopped sobbing and looked at Peridot. 

"W-what?" Amethyst couldn't believe what she was hearing. Peridot blushed lightly. She sat down fully on Amethyst's shoulder and hooked her arm around Amethyst's. 

"Well yea I need you." Peridot paused and took a deep breath. 

"You're the only gem-well besides Steven-who spends time with me and appreciates me for who I am. I want you to know that I appreciate and love yo- who you are! I don't like you despite your "short comings" I like you BECAUSE of them! You've managed to overcome every struggle that is thrown at you, and you do it while being a bad ass!" Peridot huffed. Amethyst chuckled lightly. Peridot angled her body towards her and grabbed Amethyst's cheek, so that Amethyst would look her in the eyes. 

"There isn't a day that I don't regret those things I said to you. They were untrue and I didn't know any better, but it still doesn't excuse my behavior." Peridot closed her eyes and pulled her hand away from Amethyst's face. Amethyst immediately missed the warmth. 

"I need you, and I-. I'd be very  _sad_ if you tried to cause yourself some sort of harm, Amethyst." Amethyst looked at Peridot in shock, hearing it once was weird, but hearing it twice. It affected her deeply. No one's ever needed her. No one's ever loved the bad parts of her, but Peridot did. 

"Please don't hurt yourse-" Amethyst cut Peridot off with a chaste kiss. It was a little awkward at first because Peridot didn't know what to do, but then she opened her mouth slightly to Amethyst's. Peridot's lips were soft and warm. Peridot moved closer to Amethyst, and Amethyst sat Peridot on her lap. They stayed like that for a while. Learning more information about the other's body and loving the complete warmth. It was Amethyst who finally pulled away. She placed her head against Peridot's. 

"Thank you for believing in me." 

Peridot kissed Amethyst's cheek and wrapped her arms around her neck. Amethyst lovingly pulled Peridot closer to her by wrapping her arms tightly around the other's waist. 

"Of course Amethyst. Of course."

**Author's Note:**

> Lmfao this was going to be nsfw, but I can't justify writing porn for space rocks just yet. (Maybe in the future...)
> 
> Anyway, I _really_ hoped that you liked it! This is the first time that I've written for this show, and tbh I think I could've written Peridot a little bit better, but it is what it is! Haha, I can't wait to see what's going to happen for the rest of the week!
> 
> Come talk to me about the lesbian space rocks on my [tumblr!](http://oforlikelalune.tumblr.com/)


End file.
